Traces

The first step was talking to people — sixteen structured interviews, twelve women and four men, then a live experiment to test whether the matching logic actually held up.

Five methods, each a different angle on the same question:

The interview questions, in three parts:

How the matchmaking experiment ran:

1. 01

   Twelve questions each: flexes, flaws, fears, intent, the ideal first date, dealbreakers.

2. 02

   Each person’s answers distilled, with an LLM prompt, into an anonymous 80–100-word card in their own voice.

3. 03

   The cards matched by hand, on values and openness rather than shared interests.

4. 04

   About 3 real matches, from 14 people and around 400 datapoints.

What the matching weighed, eight dimensions:

Seven themes recurred across the interviews:

Sensemaking on the interviews kept landing on the same thing under every complaint: a basic desire for companionship nothing else was meeting. That behaviour sorted into nine archetypes, a POEM framework split by gender, and an iceberg model that pushed past behaviour to cause.

Two of them can enter a zero-sum game: the Validation Seeker getting compliments with no intent to meet is, by the same action, the Goody Two Shoes being denied the thing they came for.

The POEM framework, split by gender:

The iceberg model, from what shows to what drives it:

1. Observable behaviours

   • Using Instagram or dating apps to start relationships
   • Conversations stalling; a struggle to take things offline
   • Embarrassment if “caught” on the apps by peers or relatives

2. Patterns & trends

   • Mixed motives: companionship, fun, validation; less emphasis on marriage or seriousness
   • Women’s safety concerns; men’s anxiety about matches and profiles
   • Confusion between what’s “organic” and what’s “forced”

3. Structure

   • “Real” courage lies in approaching in person; online is low-effort
   • Apps equated with hookups, unseriousness or desperation
   • Self-perception tied to match success: validation becomes self-worth

4. Mental model

   • Capitalist app design (swipe culture, gamification, paid tiers) driving superficiality and scarcity
   • Underlying human motives (belonging, status, validation, self-fulfilment), all refracted through tech
   • Urban digital youth identity shaped by visibility, gossip and performativity

The iceberg is what pushed the project past behaviour to cause — the loop under Sensemaking, above, is built directly on its bottom layer.